Well that was entertaining. After dinner and a post-xmas gift exchange at Kelly’s dad’s/step-mom’s place, we settled in for a nice round of conversation and story telling. It was laughs and good times all around, and then someone, who won’t be named, *cough* Kathy *cough* drove the truck right off the cliff. Wow.
Here’s the short-short version:
KATHY: PUBLIC SCHOOLS AS WE KNOW THEM WILL SOON CEASE TO EXIST BECAUSE OF ALL THE LIBERAL *** BEING TAUGHT TO THE KIDS!!!
Kelly: Really? Like what, for example?
KATHY: THE ACLU IS THE DEVIL! GAHHHHHHH!!!
Kelly: (stunned silence)
KATHY: JOHN KERRY IS A WHORE!
Kelly: Great points. Both of them.
KATHY: IF A DEMOCRAT WAS IN THE WHITE HOUSE ON 9/11, WE WOULD HAVE GIVEN UP WITH OUT A FIGHT!!! WE HAD TO TAKE OUT SADDAM TO MAKE OUR COUNTRY A SAFER PLACE!!! (Note from Jon: nevermind the fact that Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11…)
KATHY: KELLY, WHAT IS YOUR RESPONSE? IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME A DETAILED, POINT-BY-POINT DISSERTATION ON MIDDLE-EASTERN FOREIGN POLICY IN THE NEXT 1.2 NANOSECONDS, I WILL FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!!!
grammy: i farted once on the set of blue lagoon…
Kelly: Well, actually-
KATHY: BLAH BLAH BLAH I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!! LOUDER MEANS RIGHTER!!! EVERYTIME YOU THINK A LIBERAL THOUGHT, A BABY BUNNY DIES A HORRIBLE DEATH!!! *BILL O’REILLY FINGER WAGGING IN KELLY’S FACE*
Jon: Republicans are running this country into the ground.
KATHY: DEMOCRATS ARE THE DEVIL!!! THEY EAT KITTENS FOR BREAKFAST WHILE MASTURBATING TO MICHAEL MOORE MOVIES!!!
Jon: Um, Republicans control Congress, the Presidency, and the Supreme Court. They have dictated the policies for the past five years with little resistance from the left.
KATHY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *head rotates around its vertical axis*
Jon: To name a few of the incompetents: Bush, Frist, DeLay, Hastert, Cheney, Ashcroft, Michael Brown… yeah, that Katrina was a rousing success!!!
KATHY: STATES’ RIGHTS!!! LET ‘EM DIE!!! THEY REFUSED HELP!!! IT’S THEIR RIGHT!!! *** ‘EM!!!
Jon: So, if the levee breaks right now, and Arnold needs and refuses help, and you lose everything… then… ***… yourself?
Kathy: *smiles* Yeeeeesss! Now go research it. STATES RIGHTS!!! AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Jon: Huh.
* Remainder of conversation redacted for purposes of basic human decency *