I visited Yahoo! News this afternoon, and was greeted with this fabulous headline:
The Stink in Farts Controls Blood Pressure
I didn’t bother to read the article, but I’m pretty sure it says that the key to a longer, healthier life lies in passing gas more often, audibly, and in public places.
I will seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu
Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!
By Anonymous.
[h/t to Kelly]
From the SacBee:
Almost 40 percent of Sacramento County's teens and young adults carry a sexually transmitted disease, the third-highest rate in the state, according to a study from the Public Health Institute released Tuesday.
The study included STD estimates among 15- to 24-year-olds for several diseases that are not reported because labs or doctors are not required to notify the county or state when they are detected. [...]
Last month, a Bee article noted sharp increases in Sacramento's reportable STDs — diseases such as chlamydia and gonorrhea.
The chlamydia rate rose 52 percent from 2002 through 2006; the gonorrhea rate jumped 35 percent. [...]
But Trochet said Sacramento County's high rate is largely attributable to a lack of resources to combat the diseases. Also, she said, the larger the pool of STD carriers, the faster the disease spreads.
C'mon, kids. Listen to Van Wilder: Don't be a fool – wrap your tool.
Yet another news story from the Department of Derrrrrrr, this one reporting that overweight kids face widespread stigma:
Overweight children are stigmatized by their peers as early as age 3 and even face bias from their parents and teachers, giving them a quality of life comparable to people with cancer, a new analysis concludes.
Youngsters who report teasing, rejection, bullying and other types of abuse because of their weight are two to three times more likely to report suicidal thoughts as well as to suffer from other health issues such as high blood pressure and eating disorders, researchers said.
I was never the fat kid (though I did have a chunky phase throughout most of my twenties), but I do remember teasing one of my overweight classmates. I have neither excuse nor rationale for what I did. I acted without thinking about how it would make him feel, and I'm sure it was terrible for him. Chris, on the off chance that you're reading this, I'm sorry.
So, MSNBC, you did a good job. You wrote an article that made me realize what a jackass I had been toward my fat(ter) contemporaries when I was a child. I vowed that I would never again make fun of the overweight, for it could have dire consequences on their quality of life. You made me a better man.
Then I kept reading the article:
Lynn McAfee, 58, of Stowe, Pa., said that as an overweight child she faced troubles on all fronts. [...] Other children would try to run her down on bikes to see if she would bounce.
COME ON!!! How am I not supposed to laugh at that?!? AAAUUUGHHHH!!!
Nice going, MSNBC. You snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. I was a reformed man, and now all I want to do is throw pennies at a fat kid to see if they'll bounce off.
Wow, what an awesome story. I was unaware of this, but apparently 1.5 years ago, Scott Adams, the creator of the Dilbert comic strip, permanently lost his voice due to a condition called Spasmodic Dysphonia. Ever the optimist, he tried and tried and tried different things until just last week when he was finally able to find a way to speak (almost) normally again.
To state the obvious, much of life’s pleasure is diminished when you can’t speak. It has been tough.
Indeed. Even though I'm not a very vocal person, I would be so lost without my voice.
Read the whole entry. You can't help but feel extremely thrilled for the guy.
(h/t to Paul Watson for the link to the story.)
With the adult obesity rate in the U.S. hovering somewhere above 60%, this is exactly what we need:
Abel Gonzales, 36, a computer analyst from Dallas, tried about 15 different varieties before coming up with his perfect recipe — a batter mix made with Coca-Cola syrup, a drizzle of strawberry syrup, and some strawberries.
Balls of the batter are then deep-fried, ending up like ping-pong ball sized doughnuts which are then served in a cup, topped with Coca-Cola syrup, whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry on the top.
Invented by a computer geek, who, as a group, probably live the most sedentary lifestyles. That's exactly what we need – more overweight nerds.
I suddenly have the urge to go to the State Fair of Texas.
You need look no further than this article to see why stem cell research should be fully supported by the U.S. government:
Nerve cells grown from human embryonic stem cells and injected into the brains of rats with a syndrome mimicking Parkinson's disease significantly reduced the animals' symptoms, but the treatment also caused tumors in the rodents' brains, scientists reported yesterday. [...]
Goldman said he suspected that with modest changes in technique, researchers will be able to keep the benefits of the treatment while eliminating or reducing the chances of getting the cancerlike growths. But he conceded that much more basic research would have to be done before scientists — or regulators — were likely to be convinced of the approach's safety. [...]
The team injected the cells into the brains of rats, which had been given a chemical that causes damage similar to that seen in Parkinson's. The new cells integrated into the animals' brains and produced copious amounts of dopamine. As a result, the animals' motor coordination improved almost to the point of being normal, according to the report in yesterday's online edition of the journal Nature Medicine.
But when the animals were autopsied after three months and their brains were examined microscopically, the team found multiple tumors, indicating that some of the injected cells did not settle into the job of being neurons but rather had begun to grow uncontrollably.
Obviously, the technique has not yet been perfected, but if they are able to work out all of the kinks, think about the implications: No more Levodopa cocktails, no more deep brain stimulation in which the patients have to "wear" an external battery pack (not to mention that DBS is only available to a small percentage of Parkinson's sufferers), and a return to normal or near-normal life for the thousands, possibly millions, of Parkinson's patients throughout the world.
Case in point: Michael J Fox suffers from Parkinson's Disease. Fox is a national treasure, what with all of the joy his acting has brought to us. There is an ad circulating right now in which he urges voters to support one candidate over another because the former supports lifting the ban on stem cell research. The video itself is heartbreaking. My words could never do it justice. It'll hit you like a ton of bricks. How great would it be to cure him and enable him to get back in front of the camera and do what he does best? Now imagine how great it would be to cure one of your friends or family members.
We have a moral obligation to help people like Michael J Fox, and this lab study is further evidence of the potential cures that stem cell research can bring to us. I need to research the arguments more thoroughly because what I know of them is based on what I've read on blogs. But as I understand it, the embryos used for research are set to be discarded anyway. If they're not ever going to be used for procreation, why not use them to help out your fellow living, breathing, productive members of society?
What irks me the most is the hypocrisy of those who vehemently oppose stem cell research. I just know that if/when scientists use stem cells to find cures for some of the various maladies that afflict human kind, stem cell research opponents who have in the mean time become sufferers will be among the first in line to receive treatment. And they should receive treatment, because to deny them would be inhumane. But still… the "it should be outlawed until I need it" double standard makes my blood boil, especially when it is impeding the science that could one day improve the lives of so many people. It's selfishness at its worst.
So please, for the good of so many that suffer from chronic diseases, vote to support stem cell research.