Tag Archives: wtf

California: Your Tax Dollars at Work

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I just received this email from a coworker about a buddy of his who works for the state:

I have a friend who works for the state. He’s been trying to figure out a way he can play world of warcraft at his job, which he and several others were doing every day until the IT staff finally put in a firewall to stop users from playing the game (apparently lots of people just did it all day like him). He next tried to remote desktop and play the game from his home computer, but he found out the 3d graphics don’t work over remote desktop. Now he’s looking for another solution.

It’s nice to know that our tax dollars help pay for world of warcraft. :)

It's good to have priorities.

Toyota: 1, Pigeon: dead

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So I'm barreling down Industrial Way at 327 50 MPH last night when I see two pigeons camped out in the middle of my lane. 

"Oh, no problem," I thought to myself.  "They have plenty of time to get up and fly away."

I get closer.  No movement.

I get closer still.  Bird #1 makes like he's going to start thinking about moving.  Bird #2 doesn't budge.

Closer and closer.  Bird #1 gets the hell out of Dodge before he has a Toyota emblem tattooed on his forehead.  Bird #2 continues to scratch his ass crack.

I'm now literally within 10-20 feet of Bird #2, who is still on the road.  Finally, at this point, he decides it might be a good idea to move (though I question whether it was because he saw me.  My theory is that he saw a discarded cigarette butt on the other side of the road and just went for it.)

I think you can see where this is going.

I obliterated that stupid bird like nobody's business.  When I looked in my rear view mirror, all I saw was a dead pigeon carcass bouncing along the side of the road.  Feathers were falling back down to the ground.  It was grisly.

My immediate concern did not lie with that bird, though.  If it's too blind, deaf, and stupid to get the hell out of the way, well, then, that's just too bad.  No, I was concerned about the front of my Tacoma.

I pulled into the parking lot of my destination, the Galleria.  I got out of my truck and slowly inched my way around to the front, dreading what I was about to see.  Amazingly, there wasn't one scratch or dent.  The only sign of a collision was two lonely feathers dangling from the grille.  That's it.

So, Toyota, kudos to you for your superior engineering skills.  That was one hell of an impact that my truck sustained, and it is no worse for the wear.

And all you pigeons out there?  Let that be a lesson to you.  I'm driving a lean, green, pigeon-eliminating machine, so you best get out my way, beeyotch.  I'm gunning for you.

It looks good on you, though!

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06-06-07_2022

Too bad the picture turned out so blurry.  That's an actual outfit on display at Macy's in Roseville.  Ugly-ass plaid shorts, paired with a green polo with yellow and blue stripes.

Seriously?  Macy's?  Are you guys even trying anymore?

As Happy Gilmore said, if I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass.

Three degrees of separation

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From this guy:

Yolo County officials were stunned at the arrest and indictment of Woodland resident Harrison Jack as part of a plot to commit a violent overthrow of Laos’ communist government.

That’s the kind of crazy stuff you’d expect to happen in the backwoods of Montana or Idaho, not in Woodland.

Super Troopers

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What happens when a cop and his wife bake up some pot brownies and eat the whole batch?

I think we’re dead.  Time is going by really really really really slow. 

Ladies and gentlemen, your tax dollars at work.

[h/t to my buddy Nealio for the link]

You drive like an @$$hole

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At least, that's what I'd tell you if you backed your car over a child. 

And apparently, it happens more often than you'd think:

Every week in the United States at least 50 children are backed over in driveways or parking lots.

What???  That means that 7 times a day, someone backs up over a child. 

That's incredible.  I'm dumbfounded.  Speechless, even.

Are there any actuaries out there who can verify this statistic?  Is it just a mere case of FUD being used to get gullible parents to attend a seminar?

What the ghetto hell is going on around here?

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Are people frustrated with the slow pace of the Kings coaching search?  Are they down because the Warriors are getting spanked by the Jazz?  Is the recent heat wave getting to people?  (Except by heat wave, I mean “perfect weather”.  It has been beautiful around here lately.)

From The Bee (emphasis mine):

A man walking on a North Highlands sidewalk was shot and killed Wednesday night by someone in a passing car, the third homicide of its type in less than 48 hours in Sacramento.

Joseph Zachary Gomez, 18, was pronounced dead at Mercy San Juan Hospital, the Sacramento County Coroner’s Office reported.

Gomez, who had been shot in the upper torso, was found in the area of Gilman Way and David Drive [...]

This latest one was only 4 miles away from my house.

Cranial-Rectal Inversion is a serious disorder

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And apparently even the Dean of Admissions at MIT is not immune to it (emphasis mine):



Marilee Jones, the dean of admissions at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, became famous for urging stressed-out students competing for elite colleges to calm down and stop trying to be perfect. [...]


Ms. Jones on various occasions had represented herself as having degrees from Albany Medical College, Union College and Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, but she had no degrees from any of those places, said Phillip L. Clay, the chancellor of M.I.T. 


Ms. Jones has a brass pair on her.  To openly chide students for puffing up their applications while knowing all along that she pulled her own acadamic credentials from the deepest, darkest regions of her anal cavity, is truly awe-inspiring.  I bet this woman shaves her legs while juggling rabid weasels and rollerblading down a street covered in tacks. 


Also, she’s a hypocrit. 


Maybe. 


Just a tad.


I will give her some credit, though.  She owned up to it and didn’t blame anyone but herself.